Paraprosdokians
(Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in
which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is
surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous. |
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1. |
Where there's a will, I want
to be in it. |
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2. |
The last thing I want to do
is hurt you. But it's still on my list. |
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3. |
Since light travels faster
than sound, some people appear bright until you hear
them speak. |
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4. |
If I agreed with you, we'd
both be wrong. |
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5. |
We never really grow up, we
only learn how to act in public. |
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6. |
War does not determine who
is right - only who is left. |
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7. |
Knowledge is knowing a
tomato is a fruit . . . Wisdom is not putting it in a
fruit salad. |
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8. |
To steal ideas from one
person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. |
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9. |
I didn't say it was your
fault, I said I was blaming you. |
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10. |
In filling out an
application, where it says, 'In case of emergency,
Notify:' I put 'DOCTOR'. |
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11. |
Women will never be equal to
men until they can walk down the street with a bald head
and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. |
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12. |
You do not need a parachute
to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. |
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13. |
I used to be indecisive. Now
I'm not so sure. |
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14. |
To be sure of hitting the
target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the
target. |
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15. |
Going to church doesn't make
you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes
you a car. |
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16. |
You're never too old to
learn something stupid. |
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17. |
I'm supposed to respect my
elders, but its getting harder and harder for me to find
one now. |